The end of winter, and into tight the study. That period of time, when my relationship
with Xiaolei good times and bad, I can not remember why. Maybe because I'm the jealous,
and some unknown factors can not tell right channel. In short we have a long Cold War
period of time, so that both of us missed the birthday.
us and then Well, Xiaolei meeting gave me a birthday present, he brought back from
Dalian, a seaside rock. That is not an ordinary stone, stick with water after a stone
out of a road will appear bloodshot. Xiaolei that it is hard to find, he braved the
cold for a long time before looking to find. At first, I was moved, still in my heart
silently vowed never to play with the children Xiaolei temper, trouble is not happy,
I'm always good to go, and Xiaolei.
spring, the school organization to plant trees. The so-called tree-planting, but the
campus is to dig out this first tree, plummeted to the other end. Total fart big spots,
planting trees every year, how can there be so many places the good seed.
but is happy for us the day tired of learning from the fan temporarily freed, after
all, we have only fourteen-year-old child, slapstick jokes is our nature. Soon we
hastily planted the tree, or whether it's life and death, they sat in a small
playground up the road laughing slapstick. Xiaolei let me lie down in his lap, and with
the grass in my face itch scratched. I smiled and took his hand, looking at the long
period of blue sky, listening to the laughter of classmates ear, I wish this moment
forever.
We help people with PolyU graduates of an inch according to the standard image. I took
the time to look nervous, Xiaolei to pick up the kids stay on the table aside lang drum
used to tease me, funny I wanted to laugh and not laugh, the result is a picture out of
the face nearest approach. , And Xiaolei and then I took a photo, according to the time
his hands behind his back held my hand. That is the only one I Xiaolei individual
photo.
the moment finally came, respectively. After the test last Fanxiao Ri, from school to
go back, we were deliberately to avoid other people, I go back to the pass to which the
old management major. Along the way, Xiaolei have her arm around my shoulder. PolyU to
the East Gate, we were both out of the car, Xiaolei gently hugged me. Then I got into
the car, Xiaolei still standing still, hand on my waist, and a little push. Only this
time he did not say the phrase:
I tried so desperately rode forward, but did not dare look back. I know he must also
stand still looking at me, I would like to Huitou Chao He waved his hand, but I fear he
saw my eyes full of tears.
thirty-nine
that summer, I was with her mother to an uncle in Heilongjiang ever be regarded as a
reward for me. I heard I was in his home province of experiments taking messages. Heard
the news, I went to the bathroom out of a few drops of tears, I do not know is happy or
sad.
high a lackluster day. Schools to test students are a top student, when the high
mountain to know the truth more mountain. Xiaolei also got his wish to enter the Police
Academy. Live on campus, but they are required, only the weekend before returning home.
first time I visited him, he was happy to give me interesting things about their
school. They then military training bitter, Xiaolei a lot of thin, black a lot, and
even Kuo aunt distressed. Although little time to meet, we will look for opportunities
to steal kisses. That was my only joy that period of time.
Gradually, I found that seems to be increasingly reluctant to Xiaolei affectionate with
me, the beginning was to meet later with interest payable gone. The moment I know why I
do not know what went wrong, do not know if it is less time we touch each other a
stranger.
my pride does not allow me to ask why. And then I thought, even when I asked, Xiaolei
will not say anything. I was sad and angry, thinking I'm not Ye Jian Do not send home
the bitch people, angrily, I decided not to go to him.
Later he came twice to my home phone to play me out, I politely but firmly rejected.
Think about when young minds, it is really naive, have to bet the tone, think I broke
up with him. Later,UGG boots cheap, he made no call.
up during that time I became sentimental and like to write some small articles
published in the newspaper, gradually met some of the same love of literature students,
but also not so lonely.
into arts and sciences sophomore, I oppose the wishes of her parents, at a liberal arts
classes, even though I did well in physical chemistry.
entrance, I got his wish to test to a university in Beijing Chinese literature. I am
happy to leave the Conservancy, with no sense of nostalgia. Forty
first year in college when the New Year, Dajiadoumang the cards to me. At that time I
also received Guo Lei sent me a greeting card with polite cliches are simple. He had
already graduated from the police academy, into the Changchun Public Security
University, a post-secondary. I also gave him a card back, I wish him good health,
academic success, a happy New Year. Guo Lei
Goodbye winter break in the sophomore year. Several organizations Yongzhong us their
junior high school students get together in the Lantern. Meeting scheduled for that day
next to the Oriental Dumpling House South Lake to a lot of people, including long arms,
Yongzhong them. A sharp also come, but also with his girlfriend. A sharp in the middle
and I have not seen since graduation, I heard he was admitted to a school in Harbin. He
was taller than before,UGG shoes, many, seems more sophisticated mature. Guo Lei
to the latest day. He wore a police system of the body grass-green coat, become more
erect handsome. Yongzhong put him at my side to sit down. Behind him was kind enough to
a girl, I was already a bit short-sighted, and can not glasses, like the girl that the
girlfriend is Guo Lei, did not look carefully.
Guo Lei girl sitting on the other side, sat down and told my affectionate greetings.
I'm shocked about, they were shocked to find that she is Gewen. Said womanhood, really
good. Originally homely Gewen, Chula's more and more beautiful, with make up, so I did
not recognize her sudden surprise.
I was surprised and Guo Lei asked her: problems. They just came in I thought they were
boyfriend and girlfriend. So clearly see that Gewen, I thought they just happened to
run into the hotel entrance, come in with it. I guess I subconsciously still do not
want a girlfriend Guo Lei.
the scene was very embarrassing, but fortunately, other people talking to me, also
headed it off. That in addition to dumplings, also eat the hot pot. Beer, liquor is
also on a lot. Soon, Yongzhong a few of them a bit drunk.
not remember what reason, not force me later Yongzhong drank three glasses of white
wine with time, I would not say anything to drink, Yongzhong say I'm not mean. I said I
did not terrific terrific, the more you force me, the more I do not drink.
at the time Jiangzainali. Guo Lei around when I stood up, Yongzhong said: small streams
can not drink, he drank a lot, which he did for three glasses of my friends.
Yongzhong staggered on the opposite, waved his hand: people drink wine, do not drink
wine I respect? Yongzhong: holding the glass upside down, and wine are scattered in the
table.
already sat down, Guo Lei, Yongzhong, ah you can not see, as these drinks, then you
also said that the export? OK, OK, today I drank three glasses of it. From now on let's
River is a river, wells are wells, but also Do not travel, and lest you defile.
Yongzhong has been the scene Xiaxing the eighth, he kept saying: was also regarded as
drinking three glasses of amends, and then added: and stomach burning and the head
start some swimming. I ate some food, taking advantage of everyone's attention shifted
to other people who got up and pretended to go to the bathroom, the way out of the
hotel.
out the door, face the cold wind blowing, the whole of the startled man. I breathe the
winter breathing fresh air, feel more comfortable.
sky fifth round and bright moon, I went walking in the direction towards the South
Lake. Moonlight on the smooth ice of the lake, surrounded by quiet, there is an
indescribable feeling of melancholy deserted.
out my cigarette, the hand blocking the wind, point. Cigarette butts on the wind with a
red dot flickered convulsively, his mouth spit out the blue Oh smoke mixed with white
gas, was quickly dispersed by the wind, and the end is not visible.
Just then, someone patted my shoulder behind, look back, was originally Guo Lei.
I smiled, took out cigarette case: , be grateful.
us stood on the shore, quietly smoking a cigarette, thinking their own thoughts, no one
to speak again.
smoked a cigarette, his hand on my shoulder and said: turned with his back to the
hotel.
forty-one
junior year, I talked about a brief love. Changchun girl is our school fellow, than I
term, is the kind of innocent girl's girl. Particularly good to me, people are very
gentle.
in any case can be brought back and Xiaolei I kind of feel. I like watching movies with
her, go shopping, go to study hall. But I did not point to the desire of her body, I do
not want to touch her, do not want to kiss her. Every time she took the initiative, I
hastily to meet trouble.
This reminds me of high school I went to Xiaolei, Xiaolei on my attitude. I would like
to Xiaolei may not the same person I was right. Then I checked a lot of this book may
be the book that Xiaolei the situation in terms of homosexuality. And I do not have
intimate contact with the future, perhaps he slowly found their true love or a girl.
But he does not know how to tell me, do not have the heart to say it hurt me, then
slowly dragging.
I love that girl die a natural death, but also made me finally confirmed his homosexual
identity.
college I did not do so to stay in Beijing, Changchun, but the points back to a
newspaper. My parents it very happy, because my sister was getting married has been in
the field, I can return to Changchun, also a comfort to them.
but for me, it was a very depressing day of depression. Look at university students, or
stay in Beijing, or to the south, and I was back at the Changchun relatively closed,
and my heart there is always a sense of injustice.
But, I have no memory too, just remember that our office is the Manchukuo regime left
behind an old building, floor, high shelf, always cold, cold feeling.
outside the building, there is a flower bed, planted several strains of cloves. Spring
and summer opening season, the faint aroma exudes.
Sometimes I stand under the tree drawn stars smoke, sunlight through the shadows on the
trees, speckled body scattered in my face, so I recall the days in August.
my old classmates who have no contact, because it was unhappy, but also others not in
the mood to your hospitality. I'd start with my mother after graduation Guo Lei,
assigned to a district Public Security Bureau. Later, when the time in shops, met Guo
aunt. Guo aunt called me an opening I go back to when she left the phone Guo Lei, I
asked him to play.
the phone number in my wallet for a long time, and ultimately not broadcast through the
phone.
that summer, I left Changchun, a man went to Shanghai. Forty
just two years in Shanghai, I jumped several different companies. Firms, different
departments, almost all of my bosses, a typical Shanghai man, shrewd, mean. (Shanghai's
friends do not be angry, just a personal feeling of it.) I remember one surname Shen,
and always like sneaking behind us to stand and see what we are doing, and sometimes he
can be scared half to death. He was always the same as anti-Fangzei affiliated with us.
There is also a surname Lu, it looks like the kind than the surname of Shen many, they
are fundamentally more bitter cold.
it is winter in November, when I suddenly received a work phone call from her
sister,UGGs, saying that mother was ill in hospital, let me go back and look. I was
shocked and asked her mother what was wrong, heavy? Sister, it does not matter, not a
serious illness.
with that name I leave in charge of land, he pretended to staff that the company is now
very tight, but also the end of the year, live a lot. I was mad for him, to resign.
Finally, he pretended to look like I Kuaiqukuaihui mercy. Before I left when it comes
to add that:
the plane, I went straight to the hospital, the hospital door, met waiting for my
sister.
sister saw me, he took my hand and said: Shen, know well. My sister told me that my
mother very ill, she has been bulging at the beginning, want to wait later to see the
school holidays. Later it Tingbu Zhu, to the hospital a look, have a very serious
thing. Surgery, when my sister called my father to go back, can not agree with my
mother told me to come back anyway, too much of my work. After surgery, her mother
still refuses to call me back, my father and sister call me to discuss steal back.
into the room, and I look stunned, actually more than one year old mother had not seen
for two-year-old, my tears almost welling. Asked her sister thought that I put a smile,
walked over.
mother to see me come in, it is a surprise, but turn around and blame the father, why
is it called me back. Mother's bed, I sat down, the mother gently took my hand and
asked: very very hoarse voice. My tears in the eyes Da Zhezhuan, head down, afraid of
his mother to see. After a long time, only raised his head, the strong do smile, said:
Just then the door was pushed, and went to two people. Father used to greet them: Dr
Hui told the young people walked in front of my mother, smiled and said: something
right. Xiaolei side while walking back with the mother also said: Kuo aunt heard the
mother began to hospital to visit the next day Xiaolei came. Interpol has been
transferred to City Brigade Xiaolei, a number of relations, to his mother contacted the
best doctors surgery. That he brought Dr. Xu is a PhD in Beijing, Xiaolei wanted his
help to see whether the mother need to go to Beijing a better hospital.
heard Xiaolei introduction, I repeatedly thanked Dr. Xiang Xu. Xiaolei told me that you
have to hold ah. I had said, yes, I assure you.
we went to a small restaurant outside the hospital to sit down, we do not have the mood
to eat, called a few bowl of noodles. During the reception, I asked Dr Hui how the
mother's illness in the end, need not transferred to Beijing? Dr Hui
face no expression at me and said: the film, your mother's illness... not make sense.
elderly people like to eat, give her to eat... how much money you can, I beg you, help
my mom... I could not continue to stand up out of meal points.
side of the road, I could not restrain the tears, pouring out like a flood gate
opening.
when a man came to me tightly in his arms.
is Xiaolei. I burst out crying in his arms, all the grievances, all the pain, all the
sad, could not hold back out.
Xiaolei tightly around me, without saying a word.
endless in that northeastern long winter night, I like a helpless child as against
Xiaolei's arms with tears.
forty-three
because the mother's illness, fate, and Xiaolei I pulled together again.
back to the ward that day, my sister crying red eyes looking at me, pulled me to the
door and asked me how Dr Hui said. Desire to see her sister eyeful, I really can not
say, said Dr. Xu said there was hope, through this winter, there is great hope, but the
mother body was weak, it should not be transferred, to repeat after a while.
sister relieved, and asked me: See mother is asleep, the old father sat in bed waiting
for. Old father obviously a lot. I let my father go to an empty bed next to the rest,
I'll abandon.
night I stayed up all night, keep her mother's bedside. Looked at his mother's hair
gray, haggard face, sad heart abnormalities, tears and almost fell. Then I thought, his
elderly father, my sister has just given birth to a child, now an important task, on
the pressure in my shoulder. I told myself to be strong, in any case can not cry any
more.
awakens the mother on several occasions, I go to bed, saying she was fine,cheap UGG
boots, do not worry. I held her hand and said:
next day, Xiaolei came to visit after work. When I send him out, and he stood in front
of the hospital with smoked cigarette.
Xiaolei said I'm worried about you, this time you can not fall down.
I smiled and said, okay, the most vulnerable time has passed. You do not know me, I
stronger than you think more.
Xiaolei listen to me say, a long while said nothing. After a while it said: either we
try traditional Chinese medicine, and I was told that there medicine cure this disease.
I thought, nodded and said, Ye Hao.
Xiaolei said: Anyway, along with Chinese and Western medicine, there is no harm, I am
going to get tomorrow. I'll go first.
I pulled his sleeve: Xiaolei, thank you. On behalf of my family thank you.
Xiaolei heard this, patted my shoulder: my mother did not say the relationship with
your mother, it only made aware of our relationship, your mother is my mother, do not
say so after the. Cold outside, you quickly go back.
roadside stop and then rode a motorcycle and disappeared into the night.
forty-four
two days, Xiaolei to get a lot of prescription, sat quietly with his father studied
the. I thought that no use, so can not sit still can be, try a total no harm.
I sat by her bed, talk to her day, tell her jokes. Then I found out I would tell jokes.
Only the mother was very weak, sometimes even without the strength to smile. Sister to
go home to his mother every day good food and nutritious food gets here, but the mother
can eat very little.
Xiaolei with sister and father that day to run a Chinese, I keep a man in her mother's
bedside. Mother suddenly said to me: not the earth. I took mother's hand and said: did
not say anything.
I picked up my sister on the table a good pot of soup, like coaxing like saying: These
hot.
day, I was surprised to find that out the window in the room his mother was ill, dead
branches on a tree, did not actually drop a few leaves. In the cold Northeast winter,
this is simply a miracle. I think this may be the will of God, as long as the winter
passed, spring came, the tree covered with leaves, the mother of the disease also will
be better.
later in the day, I secretly watch the tree leaves, but fortunately, not being blown
away, still tenaciously hanging on the twigs.
father of Chinese medicine that they get back to take the medicine pot boiling on the
outside. Just a woman that night, deputy director of the doctor rounds, after she
finished reading, my sister and I have been with out, ask her how.
used to see the doctor about life and death, the female doctor with a straight face,
said her sister: the elderly dying, are you prepared for it.
sister was tears down, pulled the doctor asked: how can, how?
the woman doctor said a few words with Dr. Xu said, about the same, then turned away.
Sister against the wall, can not stop the tears no longer, and then burst into ran out.
I would like to catch her sister, a person can be mother in the house.
when I opened the door and go, but smiled and said: They will not cook drugs, two rush.
mother smiled and said: Your father, ah, away from me can not.
wait for his father into the medicine side, when I go out in a corner of the stairs to
find her sister. I'm around her, and my heart is really worth a thousand words, but
just told her not to sad, sad useless, it is now healing bear.
I did not dare let my sister to go in, obviously afraid of her mother found her swollen
eyes.
mother that night to sleep, I sat on the clothes on the stool next to her bed, guarding
her.
miserable outside, came the cry of a sudden, the mother turned a body, a long while
softly:
that time when I took her hand, I always think that a warm hand, will one day become
cold it?
a few days, Xiaolei again. He dragged me outside the door, said he asked people to the
temple a hexagram forget my mom said the man was rushed northeast of God, go to a town
northeast up to the man of God would also like to burn incense.
my heart is very letter, but see Xiaolei so sincerely, not refuting him, he and his
father talk about it. My father thought, a sigh, said: Xiaolei wearing a black leather
jacket, and I hugged him, or that familiar taste.
Xiaolei opened more than an hour, we are pointing to find that Wong Tai Sin temple.
Burned paper on the incense, statues gave kowtow. Although I do not believe has always
been, and may be the day I was really sincere, silent prayer, countless knock on the
head. Up, his forehead is swollen.
with me that day Xiaolei also knock a lot of heads. Came out, he said to me: a small
stream, rest assured that we so sincerely, Auntie will get better.
I rushed him and smiled, said nothing.
forty-five
mother still could not get through the cold winter.
mother went away, I was the only one around. Then I thought, perhaps it is the wish of
the mother. Father is so old, the youngest son of my sister there in the body, all the
combat, let me take it one. Mother must believe I am strong.
those days, people all around were crying, including relatives, friends and colleagues.
Mother, maternal love the most I've ever seen a teacher, her students are really the
same as the mother of the child care. But is such a person, God took her away so hard-
hearted. But, I have been thinking, is not a good man will be rewarded it?
I did not cry, I know, I have many things to deal with. As the only son of the family,
I have many things to do.
those days and also accompanied by a sense of Xie Xiaolei help. He fetched a lot of
cars, from the police to clear the way for my mother organized a grand memorial
service.
hold a memorial ceremony that day in the morning, it began to snow, a vast expanse of
land. I think that it is God in the mourning mother.
But I did not cry, never cry, I thought I could not cry out.
memorial service the next day, I went to the hospital for the last Xiaolei procedures
and equipment clean up some of the ward.
open ward door and saw that there has been order and cleanliness. Lying on the bed
where the mother has been back into the white sheets. Think of a few days ago, I sat
beside the bed holding her hand to her jokes, and now is empty, the mother has gone,
the reigning heart burst of sorrow and grief.
I stand at the window, made a little stunned. Xiaolei came and laid his hand on my
shoulder, whispered: if it leaves the above does not fall out, wait until the spring,
and the mother's illness will get better. Now the leaves are still, the mother was
gone. fall.
Xiaolei me tightly in his arms, quaver said: br>
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